Wednesday, September 24, 2014
♥ Prelims
Wow, the last time I actually updated this (really dead) blog was April last year. But I'm just glad that I have a space that I can rant at haha.
It's not like my Prelims are over, but I'm already on the verge of giving up because I'm always screwing up every single paper that I take. And given my inferiority complex that mocks my (already low level of) intelligence, I feel pretty horrible after every paper.
It's like a bioaccumulation of disappointment. In math you realize you lost 30+ marks because you misinterpreted question intents, or in physics when you re-read your notes and you notice that you wrote the equation wrongly (such a g e n i u s), your heart just plummets and your brain goes into "mayday mayday" mode.
I'm worried because 40 days to As is really a short period of time. I don't know if I can do it. I don't see myself improving. I'm losing my confidence, and I feel that I don't have the control that I used to have in Os anymore. Plus I'm probably such a ridiculous shit because crying over my grades is so... Immature.
Tbh I stopped comparing myself to my classmates for a while, but I don't understand why I'm back at it again. And I feel horrible because I know that I can never be better/ smarter than them. Then again, it's 40 days to As and if I don't get my shit together I'll run into a lot of problems.
Need to start conserving water by crying less sigh sorry to update with a depressing post.
5:34 PM
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
♥ We accept the love we think we deserve.
I'm starting to wonder whether it's paranoia or whether we're drifting apart.
It's been 4 weeks, and I've always been the one asking whether we can go back together. I feel like I'm such a nuisance, do you know that? And every time I get turned down, I try to feel like it's nothing, but really, it hurts, and it affects my mood. I don't even know why I get so sullen, it's just annoying. I think I'm becoming a bit too dependent on you, and I don't even think that's a good thing.
Initially, the occasional turn-down was bearable, because I had other people to turn to. But after a while, I realized that I got annoyed.
I kept thinking to myself: If I could wait for you, why couldn't you do the same? Am I compromising a bit too much? Why am I doing so much and yet receiving so little?
Even in the case of conversations, I'm usually the one who initiates it first. I'm tired of doing that. I feel annoying every time I 'Hi~' you.
The reason why I can't bear to say this directly is because I'm afraid that I would just blow up, that I would get angry over something considered as trivial to you. And considering you also have your own plans and you need to prepare for Harry Elias, I should be more understanding but noooo I'm becoming unreasonable and I don't even know why.
I'm sorry for being sentimental, it's one of the biggest flaws in myself that I really hate about myself, anyway.
12:20 AM
Friday, November 9, 2012
♥ Four years in green.
Going to a new school without any of your friends there was a terrifying experience. But through the years, I'm glad that I've stepped into TKGS.
"Moribus Modestus", which translates into "Demure and Resolute" is clearly defied in the school compounds. Walk around and you'll see a random girl unzipping her pinafore because 'the weather is too hot', sitting in some unladylike fashion or even people changing in classrooms. Girls screaming during PE lessons when a ball is thrown at them, a thing that every sec 1 student will do in her life and annoy the shit out of the sec 4s who want to study. And just when you think that you haven't had enough, you've graduated and all the memories will slowly fade into oblivion. Do I want that to happen? No.
Honestly, my life in TK has full of ups and downs. I've encountered many friendship problems over the past four years, but during these four years, it's exactly these groups of people that I have enjoyed myself with the most and I really never want to lose contact with them. The ups were always good, enjoying ourselves during lunches, outings, or just chatting our time away. But the downs were really horrible. Many misunderstandings, bouts of jealousy, events that changed one person's personality and all that made some situations very awkward and tension was rife in the atmosphere. But as what my sec 4 FM has said:"This too, shall pass." Everything will come to an end one day. And so, we shouldn't cry because it's over, but smile because it happened.
I always complain about how the school is such a cheapo and they just want to suck our money (lol) but after giving a lot of thought to it, as much as the school is cheapo, they do care for the well-being of their students, they make sure that no one is left behind, and you can feel the warmth of the school embracing you for one last time before you leave after graduation. It's as if the school has a mind of it's own that says "Once a TKGian, always a TKGian." I believe that TKGS has allowed me to become "A young woman of character and grace", and has given me enough leadership opportunities to believe that "Every TKGian is a leader". Well, although I was sacked as a POP (surprise surprise) for not having enough potential, my CCA teachers gave me the opportunity to lead and I'm glad that I was fortunate enough to do so.
TK has made me into someone who is able to feel for others, made me feel that I should cherish what I already have, not to take things for granted and to be practical. The first few friends that I made in sec 1 broke up and ended with me sitting on the fence. I really hated that period of time because if I took sides, I felt that the other side would blame me. Then in sec 3, when something happened again, I didn't bother to tell anyone about my problems because I felt that no one would understand. Or even if they did, they would just take a side and I was afraid everything would happen again like in sec 1. So although most of the time I seemed to be happy, I really wasn't. I had a lot going on and I just felt alone. But through these events, I've learnt how to forgive, to try to put myself in other's shoes and to just... Stay strong.
Overall, I believe that the environment is a wonderful place to be in. Who goes to school with helium balloons on Valentine's Day? TKGS. Neither will you see people going around with a 'FREE HUGS' board on a random day. Cheers and mass dances are always ALWAYS accompanied by a lot of screaming. And the people there are a quirky, epic and lively bunch. I'm going to miss all of it. But hey, you can take a girl out of TKGS, but you can't take TKGS out from a girl ;)
"Moribus Modestus", which translates into "Demure and Resolute" is clearly defied in the school compounds. Walk around and you'll see a random girl unzipping her pinafore because 'the weather is too hot', sitting in some unladylike fashion or even people changing in classrooms. Girls screaming during PE lessons when a ball is thrown at them, a thing that every sec 1 student will do in her life and annoy the shit out of the sec 4s who want to study. And just when you think that you haven't had enough, you've graduated and all the memories will slowly fade into oblivion. Do I want that to happen? No.
Honestly, my life in TK has full of ups and downs. I've encountered many friendship problems over the past four years, but during these four years, it's exactly these groups of people that I have enjoyed myself with the most and I really never want to lose contact with them. The ups were always good, enjoying ourselves during lunches, outings, or just chatting our time away. But the downs were really horrible. Many misunderstandings, bouts of jealousy, events that changed one person's personality and all that made some situations very awkward and tension was rife in the atmosphere. But as what my sec 4 FM has said:"This too, shall pass." Everything will come to an end one day. And so, we shouldn't cry because it's over, but smile because it happened.
I always complain about how the school is such a cheapo and they just want to suck our money (lol) but after giving a lot of thought to it, as much as the school is cheapo, they do care for the well-being of their students, they make sure that no one is left behind, and you can feel the warmth of the school embracing you for one last time before you leave after graduation. It's as if the school has a mind of it's own that says "Once a TKGian, always a TKGian." I believe that TKGS has allowed me to become "A young woman of character and grace", and has given me enough leadership opportunities to believe that "Every TKGian is a leader". Well, although I was sacked as a POP (surprise surprise) for not having enough potential, my CCA teachers gave me the opportunity to lead and I'm glad that I was fortunate enough to do so.
TK has made me into someone who is able to feel for others, made me feel that I should cherish what I already have, not to take things for granted and to be practical. The first few friends that I made in sec 1 broke up and ended with me sitting on the fence. I really hated that period of time because if I took sides, I felt that the other side would blame me. Then in sec 3, when something happened again, I didn't bother to tell anyone about my problems because I felt that no one would understand. Or even if they did, they would just take a side and I was afraid everything would happen again like in sec 1. So although most of the time I seemed to be happy, I really wasn't. I had a lot going on and I just felt alone. But through these events, I've learnt how to forgive, to try to put myself in other's shoes and to just... Stay strong.
Overall, I believe that the environment is a wonderful place to be in. Who goes to school with helium balloons on Valentine's Day? TKGS. Neither will you see people going around with a 'FREE HUGS' board on a random day. Cheers and mass dances are always ALWAYS accompanied by a lot of screaming. And the people there are a quirky, epic and lively bunch. I'm going to miss all of it. But hey, you can take a girl out of TKGS, but you can't take TKGS out from a girl ;)
12:33 AM
Thursday, March 8, 2012
♥ What are holidays?
Are holidays edible? The school gave us so much holiday homework until it seems like as if it's a normal school day T^T Just more of a Home-Based Learning thing (HBL).
Anyway, I'm having my Biology SPA tomorrow and I pray everything will go smoothly. Keep calm and carry on, Elysia! Hehe on the bright side, I got into the inter-class debate team and the motion will be announced after school tomorrow. I'm pretty revved up for the whole thing! My EL teacher said it's going to be like the usual JGs format (which I obviously don't know since I'm not in LDS.) so I probably have to ask someone else from a debate club what JGs are like.
I also plan to lose weight so that means I have to do circuit training at home. (nuuuu) But who am I kidding, I'm so lazy that I won't even bother doing that lolol. Yup, and with that, I shall most likely end off here since I should go start on my never-ending pile of holiday homework. See you around~
5:14 PM
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
♥ End of Term 1
It's been a really hectic, stressful, crazy and tiring term! It's going to be over, but that means it's going to approach the 'O' levels soon and meh, I'm feeling pretty unprepared as the days go by. I've made a few promises at a whim, and one of them is to enter TJC next year to change someone's outlook of life (well this person has... Changed from primary school.) And then there's my results. Lol how is a girl with an L1R5 of 16-17 going to enter TJC, seriously. I need to start working harder. Another promise is to help out and contribute to the birthday gift
ideas for all of my friends since it's our last year together. I've tried contributing, but in the end, the credit goes to someone else so, I don't really know why I really bother.
Well on the bright side, my grades have improved by about 4-5 points, so that's a good sign. But still, if I want to get into TJC, I have to do all the homework! Do all the revision! Okay hopefully my resolution will not falter. And since I have the mood to study AFTER my CAs (Oh, the irony.), might as well start now right? If not, when? #procrastinator #likeaboss Also, I also had alot of awkward... Outings with a certain someone but I still enjoyed it nonetheless (but argh it takes about an hour to break the ice and start talking normally, geez.) Chua and Fang keep pestering me on the progress, when they very well know things won't progress so quickly -__-
I have no idea why the hell I'm feeling like some hopeless romantic today so I shall end off with some qt manga screenshot that I came across from tumblr :3
Going to log off and start on Mid Year revision (which is like not even in the middle of the year lolwut. It's on 19 April, the joy.) See you gaise~
7:45 PM
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
♥ Reunion & worries.
Hurrow :B
Taiwan trip went surprisingly fine. Although my relatives walked superrrr sloowww and I couldn't stand it, I managed to get myself books. One if a Miyasaki film comic, The Cat Returns, and the other's an English book called 'Room'. The food at Taiwan is really good, but I think I grew sideways D:
Well, today I had Physics tuition with everyone again (Clara, Emily and Siok Hwee.) It almost seemed like some big family reunion. Emily got tanner cause she went to Perth, Clara painted her nails a pretty blue-and-white polka dot pattern. Siok Hwee started working this holiday and also, she seemed to open up to all of us. Finally feel like we're all really close. Learnt about electricity (A=C/S, V=J/C, V=RI, P=VI heheh.), series and parallel circuits and it was a really interactive lesson with alot of humour. Correction, deadpan humour. To quote an example,
Teacher:" This is a live wire because it has 240 volts and this-"
Me:" Let me guess, a dead wire because it has 0 volts."
*teacher gives the stare*
Well, yeah. Everyone was laughing so it was a good time.
Anyway, there are other things on my mind, like Xinru and Rina's presents, school reopening, homework and also, his reaction after reading my post. I'm actually quite bothered by all these things, and I feel suffocated o-e There's also O levels next year to worry about for. I want to enter TJC/ MJC, so I have to work harder.
Ah well, 2011's ending, might as well enjoy the remaining days, hm?
10:29 PM
Monday, December 12, 2011
♥ Utterly disgusted.
Hey there!~
-Start of rant-
So today I went to twitter to find out that a junior has actually insulted my vice-president and president. And apparently, used the word 'stupid' on them. I'm sorry but, where has the respect and awe for the seniors gone to? This junior is also aiming to be in my position, Treasurer.
What happened to Interact Club? What happened to "Nothing is too small as long as it comes from the heart" and "Service Before Self"? Where has the passion for youths who join Interact gone to? Why has it been replaced by these rude bunch of brats who think too highly of themselves and brag in front of their elders? Is this what they are taught at home? Have they been brought up this way?
If so, I'm ashamed. As a member of our club, as a member of TKGS, as a member of the community, as a member of society. If this is what our youths have become, I am utterly and completely speechless.
If this 'girl', has any sense of remorse (in which I hope she does), she better apologize to both my president and vice president IMMEDIATELY. They had no right to be called 'stupid', whatsoever by a small fry. And if she should become the next Treasurer, I will vehemently oppose to this decision, until she can prove to be of the school's values, Moribus Modestus and uphold our club's visions and mottos well. If not, say sayonara to this position. Don't even think about staying in this club. I don't welcome rude people who are passionless and just want power.
-End of rant-
11:52 PM
