Wednesday, April 24, 2013
♥ We accept the love we think we deserve.
I'm starting to wonder whether it's paranoia or whether we're drifting apart.
It's been 4 weeks, and I've always been the one asking whether we can go back together. I feel like I'm such a nuisance, do you know that? And every time I get turned down, I try to feel like it's nothing, but really, it hurts, and it affects my mood. I don't even know why I get so sullen, it's just annoying. I think I'm becoming a bit too dependent on you, and I don't even think that's a good thing.
Initially, the occasional turn-down was bearable, because I had other people to turn to. But after a while, I realized that I got annoyed.
I kept thinking to myself: If I could wait for you, why couldn't you do the same? Am I compromising a bit too much? Why am I doing so much and yet receiving so little?
Even in the case of conversations, I'm usually the one who initiates it first. I'm tired of doing that. I feel annoying every time I 'Hi~' you.
The reason why I can't bear to say this directly is because I'm afraid that I would just blow up, that I would get angry over something considered as trivial to you. And considering you also have your own plans and you need to prepare for Harry Elias, I should be more understanding but noooo I'm becoming unreasonable and I don't even know why.
I'm sorry for being sentimental, it's one of the biggest flaws in myself that I really hate about myself, anyway.
12:20 AM
